Sweet Dreams

Have you ever been unstable and betrayed a dear friend that you wish you could take back? Well I have one friend in particular....my second roommate that I lived with while attending college at OU in Norman, OK. She was a sweet and comforting friend that tried to get me included in activities but I was going stir crazy so I started drinking heavily and disrespecting her. I even almost slept with her ex boyfriend. Not a proud moment.

But because of all that she wont even speak to me....I don't blame her.

Now here I am 8 years later wishing I could somehow make amends but it is probably best left alone. I sent her an apology via facebook 3 years ago and she responded by blocking me from access to her as a friend on facebook. That's how bad it got between us.

Then last night I have the most soothing dream that she and I go to the movies together and I woke up smiling. I am grateful for my dream.....I needed that.

Updates

1: I have started seeing a new psychiatrist. She is fabulous and came highly recommended to me by my best bud. Our first session was a couple of days ago and boy o boy was I nervous. My best friend drove me there for support and that helped because I felt as if I was going to jump out of my chair and run straight to the car when we entered the lobby. So my new psych...Dr.Y after reading my file and chatting with me for a while told me I am indeed Bipolar type 1 and that there is no shame in that. I suppose there isn't but there isn't always that much glory either.

2: My benefits through social security are being cut so I am requesting a hearing to try and keep them. I am scared and very tied up in knots. Luckily my mom and uncle are there to help me out. My uncle is an attorney.

3: I have started having a niece spend a weekend night with me every weekend. It is so much fun. We just cuddle and play and watch cartoons. Occasionally, I will take one out to eat or whatnot. It does my heart good.

4: I have started painting again. It is so relaxing and energizing at the same time.

It has been a while since I did a med check with you guys so here is a list of my current medicines.
Vitamin D- my D levels are low
Water Pill- I retain too much water
Potassium- to replace potassium my body flushes out with water pill
Meteproprol- For high blood pressure
Tramadol-for pain
Trazadone- for sleep
Lamictal- for mood stability
Cymbalta- for antidepression
Rozerom- for sleep
Klonopin- for social anxiety
Abilify- antipsychotic that I will be stopping soon with doctor's permission

My new psych has intentions of getting me off Abilify once I am at a therapeutic level of Lamictal.

Test, test, and more test....

Yesterday I had an electrocardiograham done to see if my Mitral regurgitation has gotten worse. I will be notified in 4 business days of the results. I hope everything is well with my heart. It does scare me to think I may have something wrong. I can handle mental illness but physical illness?.?. I don't know how to cope.

This Thursday I see a new Psychiatrist. I do not know if it is the right decision so I am again very nervous. What did I do with all that paperwork I filled out for her visit?

Anyhow, enough about me....

I have really got to catch up on others blogs because it appears some of you are going through some tough times. Maybe it is the changing seasons? (When all else fails blame the weather)

Changing Times

So I am being reassessed aka audited by the government to see if I am still mentally ill and qualify for aid. Hmmmm....how does this make you feel?

It makes me feel very concerned. Will I have to find new insurance, new doctor, new meds!!! AAaaggh!

Medicate the 5 Year Old

...Calling all Trauma Mammas out there....(This is Allie at 3 years of age)
I am so worried for my oldest niece because she has her first psychiatric appointment and my mom is hoping that she gets put on medicine. I have read many stressful stories from all you mothers of children with RAD, BP, BPD, Anxiety, and so on and I am left tight rope walking that fine line between when to and when not to medicate a child. It is not something I have ever had to do before but I am feeling like I need to step in the middle of this and maybe take Allie for a couple of weeks to give my mom a break (She is taking in 2 more foster children for a few months)  That would also give me time to take note of Allie's behavior.

But at the same time my mom has been Against medical advice giving Allie 10mg of Lexepro for a few weeks now so how would she feel if she were suddenly taken off the lexepro while she was with me? I do not want to make her suffer withdraws. I need some Trauma Mamma Advice on this one.

Notes:
She is going to be 6 in July
Her mother is schizophrenic and the father is unknown.
She is a high energy child but I feel that she doesn't get enough sleep with my parents.
She does get behavioral notes from the school.
My mom has been called to the principal's office for chronically bringing Allie to school late.
I see a lot of emotion and anxiety in Allie and I think it is because my mom is constantly rushing Allie. Rush in the morning, rush after school, rush to get baths and rush to get girls to sleep.

New Best Friends?? Help Me!

How do you let you best friend in the whole world know that you are genuinely happy she has found another Best Friend (not a replacement mind you, but an addition)? That is the delicate situation I am in at this time. My BF has found another woman who brings out the best in her and whom she loves. I am so happy for her because personally I can be quite dull sometimes. I am not always up for going to a party because of my social anxiety. In situations where I make myself go I have a 50/50 shot of making a fool of myself because I may drink a little much or talk to frantically.

Where am I going with all this blubbering?

This Friday the 13th I am going to a party for my BF's husband who is turning the blessed 30. At this party the new BF who I have not yet met will be there. I am excited to meet her but incredibly nervous. Nervous I will come off as jittery and unstable. I am afraid I will behave like a nervous Chihuahua and make jokes that are nonsensical or stupid. I am afraid she won't like me.

Funny thing is, I bet she feels the same way. But I won't have much back up. I will know about 5 people at the party and only 2 are in my age range and are not my BF. Because I do not want to cling to her all night making it impossible for her to mingle with all her other friends. Patrick has said he might go but since he works the night shift that night .....who knows how long he will stay.  And I don't blame him because he has very high walls that make him seem unfriendly at times but that is not the case at all. He is just so afraid of others not liking him that he would rather not get to involved. Poor guy....he really is a lovely man. ANd when it is just the two of us we have a great time. God I love him.

Anyhow do you all have any suggestions for me or advice or identifying scenarios? I would love to hear what you have to say on this matter!

Personal Romance

As Time passes between me being non pregnant and the goal of being pregnant I have found that I have a personal romance with my man. It is a selfish love that I dare not share with another because if others felt his love like I do then they would try to snatch him away from me. His love is soft and sweet in public with the ever so playful pat on the bum here and there for others to see. It makes me laugh, giggle, and flirt back...but in the bedroom he is a take charge kind of man. He doesn't realize how tantalizing and exciting it is for me to be ordered into the bedroom, a particular position, or to say something that would typically make me blush red hot.

He is a wonderful and such a giving lover....would you share something so lovely? I dare to say No!

But here is something I will share. This is the first blooming rose of the season from my rosebush in the front yard.

Bipolar wise I am well. PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) wise I am having issues...I keep reliving strong memories of being mistreated by my parents and their hash punishments. I keep reliving my past transgressions and I phase out with a glazed over far away look to my eyes that often lead to silent crying. Patrick helps to bring me back but then there is the lingering self hatred for not being better, being good, doing the right thing and not the wrong.  I need to move past these old memories but occasionally my best friend or Patrick will bring up my past in jest not knowing what it triggers in me. I want to hurt myself or scratch out my eyes till I can't even see memories.

Deep breath

I would never do that though because I practice restraint and just draw, reach out, blog, or take some thing to make me sleep it off like Benedryll or whatever is available.

Sorry to leave on a sad note but that is sorta how I feel. Keeping it real....as always.

.

My loves

The first pic is my new Hoover floor cleaner.....it is awesome! I should have taken a picture of the dirt it scrubbed off my tile floors. That would astound you.

The second pic is my nieces....aren't they lovely!

All is well with me, my sleep is up and down but I am managing. Patrick and I have taken a staycation. Where you stay home but act like you are on vacation...it has been fun. Tomorrow is the last staycation day and I plan on taking a long shower and reading all day. Hope all is well with you guys?

More Beauty, More Art

This week's flowers are....? Well I actually don't know because I threw away the outer packaging as soon as I got home.

Now here is another charcoal sketching but it is just of a very chiseled face. (obviously)

 And lastly, here is an acrylic painting. I stink at oil and water paintings because I haven't the patience for oil to dry and I just haven't tries much water color painting. Hope you like it.

Well I hope you have all enjoyed the lovely things in life and even more so I hope you all have a peaceful day!

The Beautiful Parts of Life

I have stated buying flowers every weekend and keeping them in a vase next to the TV. It keeps a feeling of beauty and nature in my mind when I am sitting in front of the tele. This is last weeks pick...the Spider Mum.

I have also started sketching again. Patrick and I spend over $70 bucks on two Prismacolor sets. One is a variation of grays and blacks while the other one is full of color. My favorite medium is charcoal but I am trying to branch out. The picture above is charcoal and it is hard to do the details for eyes and noses which is why I left this lovely lady without.

Anyhow, I am doing pretty good. Work is good and I am just feeling on the upswing. I feel real.

I am Sorry

I am not understanding how to update my comment moderator to the new blogger interface so I am sad to think I may never be able to depend on reading you lovely comments whenever I want.  But that is so reason to shut you guys out from my life by not blogging. A great deal ad happened since my last post.

1: I have been to my primary care doctor 2 times in 3 days to get lab results on why I am so tired most of the time and why my pulse and heart rate are so high. Turns out I have a severe lack of vitamin D in my body. Normal levels re between 30-100 and mine was 13. Low Vitamin D can cause rickets, high blood pressure, high pulse rate, weight gain (it slows your metabolism to a crawl at my levels)

2: I am not pregnant (humf)

3: I lessened my work hours from 7 hours a day to 3.5 hours a day.  I am loving that because I can sleep more and feel less drained after work.

 4: My psych and I have taken me off Ritalin in hopes to aid in my blood pressure and pulse rate normalization. I think it is a good thing.

Sorry I haven't been reading or commenting much but the fact is that I have no energy.  In 9 weeks my vitamin D levels should be normal and I can get n=beck to my normal vital self.

Thank you all for sticking by me during these weird blogger times and my distancing myself.

Updates and Negative Comments

This week has been somewhat uneventful. So I won't bore you with the ins and outs of the days. Instead I will focus on the internal issues I have been carrying with me.

For starters I have taken 5 pregnancy test and all have been negative. I thought I would be able to get pregnant ASAP....but I guess that is just a pipe dream. Oh well, we have plenty of time.

I am getting tired of the 7am-1:30pm shift I work. It just feels mundane at times. The only thing keeping me there is that I work with my niece, have awesome coworkers, and a stellar boss. But, everyone has to contribute in some way to society and I must admit I love the kiddies at the school. There are so many brilliant little personalities and quirks. Plus it is good for my mental health to get out of the house.

Patrick and I have been enjoying a more intimate relationship. Not only in the bedroom but just in our freedom to talk about our desires from each other. It is a great opening in our communication. I feel so much more appreciative of him.

I am feeling more distant from my mom. We hardly ever talk these days and I am okay with that to an extent. I like to keep a wall between us because I feel I can only trust her so much. Don't get me wrong, we love each other but there is a facade she puts on...even with me and I do not like it.

I have not babysat my nieces in over a month. I enjoy the free time but I do not like how there is a distant growing between me and my oldest niece. I think Patrick and I should plan a movie date with the girls for next Friday after I get off work. That would do my heart well.

I am making small improvements to our home. As far as picking up more after myself and at least trying to tidy a bit here and there. It is by no means a huge change but it is a positive change no matter what.

Oh, and I received a negative comment to one of my more personal post about my grandma's death. Click the link to read the comment. I am not sure why that one particular post has 2 separate pages. One has a bunch of supportive comments and then this other one has a lovely comment from Borderline Lil and then there is the not so lovely comment. I hope you all check it out just to give me some insight on the situation.

Life Never Felt So Good

Sitting in my car next to Patrick we decide to get steaks at Logans rather than soup and salad at panera. It was a good choice because with my new medications I have sensational taste buds and an enhanced pleasure for life. What new meds? Well, please don't judge me but I finally agreed with my doctor to start taking .5 mg of Klonopin up to twice a day along with increasing my Celexa to 20mgs.

Why do I say don't hate me? Because Klonopin is a benzo and I have tried furiously to not get on one. But then I kept going to my doctors office in tears because the waiting room was to full, the grocery stores were to full, the movie theaters were to crowded. All this kept me homebound (I know many of you understand where I am coming from)

But here are the results I am most enjoying
...I live my day free of apprehension
...I am not having panic attacks before work
...Things like cleaning the home seem manageable
...I am feeling freer in the bedroom, not so self conscious

Disadvantage is that my insurance wont pay for the med so I have to pay it but it is only like $20. And it has the potential for abuse. I do not plan to abuse them so we're all good there.

Well, I am going to get dressed and bring Patrick breakfast at work.

He Yelled at Me

Patrick and i are trying to plan a vacation. A wonderfully relaxing vacation to Kansas City where we will stay in a casino and order room service all day from bed. (drool) But Patrick's boss has told him no to his vacation request days. This frustrated Patrick and when I asked him about it ........he yelled at me. He took out all his anger toward his boss at me. I was shocked and stirred but not swayed that the man before me was really mad at me. I knew it was misplaced anger but his words still hurt. He did not curse or berate me but rather just walked around the house looking for a pair of socks while voicing how outraged he was that i was putting pressure on him. he said i should go without him because if we went together it would be no fun at all.

At this point I go numb and my bottom lip starts to quiver but I refused to let him see me cry. Then he stops yelling while I am staring at the floor. he comes up to me and lifts my face to his and my tears begin to stream down my face. I can tell he is saddened by this when he walks behind me and calls his work to say he will be late. Patrick then got on his knees in front of me and sobbed in harmony with my now continuous gasps for air between panicked tears.

(deep breath)

That situation happened a week ago but it still stirs my heart. One thing stands out in my mind and that is when Patrick asked, "What if I do this to our kids?" What if he has an outburst to our children. I quickly responded that I would stop him before that ever occurred. He really is a terrific man....but this was a side of him I have never seen.

I need a break

So I took a couple of days off from work because my emotions feel so raw lately. i wake up in a fowl mood and go through my day with a pessimistic attitude. What is the culprit? IDK. 

I think that the realism that it will take time to get pregnant has soured my attitude. I am very impatient. I have been joking that I will have twins the first time I get pregnant so i won't have to wait another 9 months for a second child. lol...well I think that is funny. :)

Also, I am being audited by the social security administration to see if I am still ill and eligible for benefits. Geesh....it is not like being bipolar just goes away. If that were to happen then I wouldn't need help from the stupid government to help pay my medical bills. I know you all can feel me on that topic!

But they want to know so much about me and it is kinda bringing me down because with every answer I give them about my issues and how they dictate my life I wonder....should someone like me really be looking into bringing another life into this world. Well, I bet I will rock as a mom. 

Aaghhh!!

OMG!! I have been getting some e-mails from people asking if I am okay....I am. That is I was until I visited my blog and saw that ALL of the comments you guys have made have been deleted along with my responses to them. I am so pissed off!!! I am so sorry you guys....I had no idea. It is apparently only the responses I got on my Intense Debate comment moderator.

 I just wanted everyone to know I personally would never delete a comment unless it was spam or hate ridden. I will go back to the Blogger comment moderator because this is ridiculous.

But just because the comments are gone does not mean that i have forgotten them. you all are so supportive and I cherish all your comments.

UPDATE
I checked my intense debate account and all your comments along with my responses are available there. and even though my comments say "0" if you click on comments you will see all the past comments that have been made. So the 0 is what is wrong. Anyhow this is frustrating but at least I can still read what you have said. whew

Judgement (revised)

I read somewhere, "Don't judge me by my past because I don't live there anymore." Truer words have never been spoken.

After my last post I kinda felt like.....where can I go from here in the blogger world. What more can I say about myself that may benefit others who struggle day to day? This is my 320th post and I intend to keep blogging with the same upfront honesty I began with.

When I last posted I laid out for you wonderful readers a list of past traumas that have helped to form the anxiety issues I have to this day and your responses were ....to say the least....overwhelmingly heartfelt and loving. I appreciate you all so much for your candor and compassion. It gave me the courage to seek out information from the other side of my family....my Dad's side....the part of my family filled with heartache that I try to avoid at all costs. It gave me the courage to contact my great aunt who is one of the 2 surviving siblings of 12 from my dad's dad side. My dead Grandfather's sister...what a revelation it was.

I was nervous so I went to the liquor store and bought  half pint of 80 proof Vodka. I drank half of it and then popped a mint in my mouth and drove to my great aunts home that is only 8 miles from my own but whom I haven't seen since I was an infant. At first I drove past her home and in my rear view mirror I could see she was sitting on the porch steps waiting for me...how long had she been waiting? I instantly turn my car around in a neighbor's driveway and circle back to her at the steps. Her eyes said with relief that she was happy to finally see me. ME....overweight and bipolar ME! She hugged me fiercely with her petite frame and ushered me into her house where I saw bags of photo albums and pictures littering the table top. This was the woman who had my answers.

I sat down and felt as comfortable as if I were in my own home. Then she laid out the story of how my grandparents died. My grandfather was hired for one night to play with the Grand Ole Opry Band in Oklahoma....that night after the concert their car's trailer blew a tire and the car swerved off the road and over a river bed. It was a 500ft fall where the driver died instantly. My Grandpa was the second to die at the age of 26 in the hospital. There wasn't car insurance like there is now so my Grandma (his high school sweetheart and wife and mother of his two children) was left with the hospital bills and no work of her own to support her kids. She went insane and was institutionalized for over 16 months at a hospital for the mentally ill where she was molested by doctors. She was diagnosed Bipolar like me. My great aunt says it was heartache not mental illness that led to her hospitalization.

I know that my illness matured after my father died and I broke up with a 3 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. My Grandma only "knew" my grandpa as far as true love is concerned. After my grandpa died in the car wreck my grandma married 2 men who both abused her. She must have been a shell of herself. Finally she married my current grandpa who is still alive today. He is a great man...a good provider and father figure. But my grandma was not satisfied with life with him and so she took too many aspirin to end it all. It put her in a diabetic coma that eventually took her life. I hope she is with my original grandpa in heaven.

So here I am ....unmarried but so in love and honestly I think I am afraid to be overly in love. Will love break me like it did my grandma. Patrick better never die before me.

Am I Bipolar...my confession

These words are hard to write because I am unsure of myself right now. I am unsure of the severity of my illness and the severity of my medications side effects. Who Am I?

Those who know me in real life and see many sides to me doubt I am in need of that much medication. They doubt the the necessity of the quantity of meds I take....and in truth, so do I.

The main 2 people in my life tell me that my illness is more a result of my upbringing rather than bipolar disorder. I have been told that my anxiety is a result of parents mistreating me. In truth, I agree. I did not have a good childhood.
I was emotionally abused and I do have anxiety and panic as a direct result of my parents mistreatment of me.
I have been woken up countless times to my mom in my room pleading with me to sit and listen to her arguments with my step dad.
I have held my mom while she said nobody loved her.
I have cried in screams as I have seen her physically assaulted by her husband.
I have seen her husband physically assaulted by her.
I have observed my brother try to commit suicide twice.
I have observed my mother trying to commit suicide once.
I have had to protect my mother from her husband.
I have been called names and struck in the face.
I have been been ridiculed by my parents for going to counseling because they said I was acing to good for them.
I have been told to stop being a selfish bitch when I was 10 years old.
I have watched my father beat my brother.
I have watched my step-dad beat my brother
I have watched my mother beat my brother
I have watched my dad beat my mom
I have watched my step-dad beat my mom
I have watched my mom beat my step dad

I have been neglected and I have been assaulted.
I  have been diagnosed bipolar and I will always struggle with PTSD and anxiety disorder.

I stopped taking my lithium 2 and a half weeks ago because Patrick and I want to get pregnant and I am going to look into getting some counselling because I think that my biggest issue is not that I am bipolar but that i had a traumatic childhood.

I do hope for support from others but am afraid to open up about it in the real world.

Does This Offend You?

I had to copy and paste this from my personal e-mail so you wouldn't have to link it to a site that no longer exist.

Palmer Advertising: Hotties Only Please, No Bipolars

Posted: 16 Jan 2012 06:00 PM PST

This is so interesting…

________

A San Francisco and Stockton, CA based company, Palmer Advertising, that advertises itself as this (www.palmer-advertising.com):

Drew Palmer founded the agency more than 20 years ago, and he is still our clients’ primary contact.

Our clients like that. Because they are always dealing directly with the person whose name is on the door.

Today, we’ve evolved to offer you a great pool of talent and a wide breadth of capabilities. But Palmer is still guided by the same sound business and advertising principles. We take our responsibilities, and service ethic, personally.

__________

And with a client list like this:

Client List

Automotive
Berberian European Motors
Cabral Chrysler Jeep Dodge
Stockton Auto Mall
Stockton Dodge
Tracy Auto Mall

Architecture, Building, & Real Estate
A.G. Spanos Company
Ford Construction
Walovich & Associates

Banking & Financial
Bank of Stockton
Debt Settlement USA
Fremont Bank
Great Central Mortgage
Pacific State Bank
Union Safe Deposit Bank
Woodbridge Capital Partners

Telecom, Cable, & Media
Cable One
Charter Communications
Citadel Broadcasting
Comcast
InReach Internet
Pac-West Telecomm
The Record Newspaper
Silverado Broadcasting

Food & Beverage
Alpine Meats
Breadeli
Boboli International Inc.
Food4Less
Food Maxx
Garlic Brothers Restaurant
Harpoon Ale
Le Grande Truffles
Van Ruiten Vineyards
Victoria Island Farms

Health & Medicine
CalCPA ProtectPlus
Conquest Imaging
Doctors Medical Center
Hana Biosciences
San Joaquin General Hospital
Sutter Tracy Community Hospital

Legal
American Bar
Forster-Long
Randick O’Dea & Tooliatos

Municipal, Educational, & Non-Profit
California Library Literacy
City of Stockton
San Joaquin Valley Air Pollution Control District
University of the Pacific

Recreation, Social, & Entertainment
Asparagus Festival
Kaleidescape
Table for Six / Total Adventures

Retail
Amador Shopping Plaza
LaCuracao Department Stores
Weberstown Mall

Services, Manufacturing, & Professional Suppliers
COIT Services
Endicia – a Rubbermaid Company
United States Postal Service
Marketing Evolution
RDA Advantage
RSF Manufacturing
Pacific Moving & Storage
Sonic.net
Area Wide Exterminators

Sports
Everett Aquasox
Stockton Ports
San Francisco 49ers

Transportation
ACE – Altamont Commuter Express
AC Transit
BART
County Connection
LAVTA
Modesto Area Express
Muni
SamTrans
San Joaquin Regional Rail Commission

Technology
Advent Software
AutoDesk
Ask Jeeves
Commerce One
Microsoft
Oracle
Ricoh
SAP

__________

Advertises for new employees like this (from sfbay Craigslist on 12/9/2011 – and there was another similar posting dated 01/07/2012 that has since been removed):

San Francisco ’boutique’ full service advertising agency, is seeking a HOT, full-time, talented, experienced Print and Web Designer to work IN HOUSE.

Our clients are a varied lot, mostly smaller companies. This gives you the opportunity to work directly with client-side decision-makers, and to see your work produced, rather than lost in an in-house scrum.

Must be proficient in CS5 Suite: Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, Flash

Candidate must have the willingness to stay up on the latest in design trends and tools.

The successful candidate will have:

- Formal design training — from a school. With credentials.
- Agency experience – at least three years.
- Ideas. Good ones.
- Skills. We need a real Designer. Capital D.
- Sanity. If you are a prima donna, bi-polar, or require anger management, please go to a big agency where you can hide in the crowd.

You must be able to work on these types of projects:
- Brand identity
- Advertising campaigns — TV, radio, outdoor, print, online
- Collateral — Website design, brochures
- Response — DM, email, webinars
- Social Media

If you feel you meet these requirements and are a positive team player please send a letter of introduction, resume and a link or pdf samples of your work to dmpalmer@palmer-advertising.com.

________

Now, as much as I understand that Drew Palmer is trying to be funny, hip, and hot himself in this ad, I bet you anything that some of Palmer Advertising’s clients have bipolar people working for them…or heck, maybe even running the companies.  I wonder what they think of this.

There are a lot of bipolar people in the world in professional, corporate, influential positions that would never do something this ridiculous or unprofessional when representing their companies.

_____

Here was my e-mail to him

On Jan 17, 2012, at 3:55 PM, afton wrote:

I am Bipolar like Ted Turner the founder of CNN. I am offended that you would actually have the audacity to think it is okay to write out that you do not hire bipolar people. I am aware you may be trying to be "funny" but I doubt the general public will agree with you.

NOW, This really ticked me off so I wrote an e-mail to Mr. Palmer and here is his polite response. Tell me what you think of it.

Afton.

Thank you for your email.  I have taken steps with various parties to apologize for this unfortunate mistake.  I meant no harm to anyone and am hoping various parties can accept my apologies.  The proper steps within my company were not taken prior to this posting.  Once I realized it was out there for 1 day I immediately took it down.  I hope you can accept my apology also.  Sincerely, Drew Palmer.

Drew Palmer
Agency Principal
dmpalmer@palmer-advertising.com

  

Download a mini-portfolio
palmer-advertising.com

466 Geary St., Suite 301 | San Francisco, CA 94102
Office: 415-771-2327, ext #1 | Cell: 415-734-1167 | Fax: 415-771-1832

110 N. San Joaquin St., Suite 310 | Stockton, CA 95202
Office: 209-472-2904 | Fax: 209-473-8232

It has been a while

It has been a while since my last post....sorry, but not a lot has happened. Well, two things have happened
1)I pissed my momma off
2)I have been on Celexa now for a week

1) This one makes me cringe to talk about but this is how I pissed off my mom. Last Thursday was babysitting night for me and my lovely nieces but it was also my oldest nieces basketball practice and my 4th day of taking Celexa. The medicine was making me very tired so I text my mom to ask if it was okay for us to skip practice and just go home. She text back "no" that we needed to go to practice and to top it off I needed to drive to the theater she was at to pick up my oldest nieces basketball shoes and shirt. She also said that if I wanted to I could just drop my oldest niece off with her coach and that after my parents movie she would go pick her up. This made me anxious and mad to think of leaving my 5 year old nice in the hands of a coach whose name I didn't know but I did go pick up the clothes and when I went to get the girls I made the executive decision to skip practice and take both nieces home because the YMCA was packed. 

Well, this was not what my mom wanted to happen so I felt a bit scared of her reaction to come and yes it did come. She called after her movie ended to tell me she was going to meet me at the Y to pick up the girls so I could go home early. That is when I said we did not go to the practice and her response was to hang up on me. When she got home she told me that she wanted to take a break from me babysitting for a while. I was shocked and said, "Yeah....okay mom, why?" My mom replied,  "Well you obviously can't do Thursday night practice and no other night of the week is good for us to go out so we just won't worry about you babysitting." This confused me and pissed me off that my mom was so petty. Was she being petty?

2) My week of Celexa has been rough. I have been tired, bloated, and thirsty with little improvement for my anxiety. But it takes about 2 to 4 weeks to get the full effect so it is to soon to tell if this med will make it for the long haul.

Sorry I haven't been commenting on your blogs much but I have been reading. The Celexa has just tapped me of feeling like I have anything to say that is worthwhile to read. Pathetic.